The Moosehead Daily Herald

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BARNUM SAVES SAFARI

Negotiations with the He-He Poona took a turn for the worse Friday when Chief Ubbo-Ubbu assumed, erroneously, that Miss Pauline Beaton, fiancÚ of ardent adventurer and pioneer of women's suffrage; Lord Sir Harry Bottomly, was part of the gift of trinkets and beads being given as a sign of friendship by circus mogul P.T. Barnum.

The situation was not helped by Reverend Beaton's loud and exuberant descriptions of the damnation awaiting heathen pagans everywhere.  It was, however, the slap delivered to the Chief's face by an incensed Miss Beaton which caused the situation to rapidly deteriorate and precipitated a hasty retreat through the jungle to the Royal Sympoopa Mail which was waiting for the party on the river.

Barnum related to this reporter the description of how he singlehandedly diverted the hostile native's attention from the rest of the party by breaking into an impressive wind-sprint, "The likes of which I have not found necessary since my early medicine show days!"

In a few related notes; there will be several replacement postings opening up in the Bungwalli Station Post Office Rifles.  As well, the small bungalow on Zambezi street, which was previously occupied by that Australian chap who accompanied Barnum's expedition, is now vacant and up for rent.  Interested persons can contact the solicitor firm of Weep, (formerly Smearum & Weep.)

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