The Bungiwalliland Daily Times

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The rescue of Poona Mission was a complete success as the valiant volunteer soldiers of the Bungwalli Station Post Office Rifles stormed the native besiegers late last night.  Short on food and desperate for ammunition, Reverend Beaton's encircled enclave defended the make-shift ramparts, fighting heroically to save themselves from the fury of Chief To-Tos savage warriors.

Sadly, before the soldiers of the Queen could break through the swarming heathen ranks, the natives were able to make away with the mission's prize possession, Reverend Beaton's organ.  The organ, a superb instrument manufactured by W. Wien & Sons of Auckland New Zealand, was previously the proud center-piece of the Bottomly choral society, Bungwalli Station's famed choir which was established by Lord Sir Harry Bottomly, the man of whom Johann Strauss is thought to have said, "He makes me want to waltz until I can waltz no more."

Also missing at the end of the battle was Lord Sir Harry.  Sir H. was serving incognito within the native ranks, acting as the besieged boma's only link to the outside world.  It is hoped that Harry did not fall during one of the deadly volleys delivered by Major General Percy's troops as they advanced from the docked Royal Sympoopa Mail which had just carried them through a hostile fleet of native war canoes.

In a related story; a note was delivered to the offices of the Bungwalli Station Telegraph by a native representative of Chief To-To of the Go-Go Poona.  The note, hand written in ox blood on a strip of bark, read the following; 'We hav you Cristin GoD white devils. If yoU ever want hear his awfUL bad noise agAin, delevr 40 bags salt, 100 bags instant oatmeal (cause dey really gOod), 20 cows, some chikins and all da beads and trinkits you got.  Don try pull any you Dirty tricks or yOu neVer see Fadreson Holygost agin.  We mean iT too.'

Newsflash!  Lord Sir Harry Bottomly, author of the landmark work "A Gentleman's Guide to Amazonian Fern Collecting or A Brief Introduction to Leafilata Amazonia, Vols I - IX" whilst on an astronomical expedition to the Bungiwalli highlands happened to turn his telescope upon a most interesting sight.

Return to the Relief of Poona Mission

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